is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
