We won't sleep together?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
