How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
