The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
