to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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