You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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