Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
