There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
