That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
