If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
