Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
