Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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