The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
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