i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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