K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
