community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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