My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
