I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
