i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Your penis caused this!
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