Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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