I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
