I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
