I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
