he looks like a really good dad on facebook
im holly from the hills drunk
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
