are you so shy because you have an std?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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