she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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