The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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