I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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