I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
