I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We need a shit load of segways right now
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
