its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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