oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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