Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
