I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
