You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
