The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
