I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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