All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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