The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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