Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
