Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
