i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
