the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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