Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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