dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
