New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
