that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
last night I used snow as a chaser
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