when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I can't turn off my feet"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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