8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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