Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
