just come out here and I will go home with you...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
